A Conversation with Bex Band, Women’s Adventure Leader

Bex Band sitting on a rock in the Jordan desert. — Bex Band in the Jordan desert.

When Bex Band decided to embark her first outdoor adventure, a 52-day, 631-mile trek along the Israel National Trail, she had almost no experience, and, by her own admission, was totally out of shape. It’s already a compelling story, but Band’s adventure didn’t stop there: based on her experience, she went on to found an international group of women who are interested in experiencing adventure. Our editorial director, Tiffany Hawk, sat down with her to talk community, the great outdoors, and more.

When you set out for Israel, what were you imagining the experience would be like?

The Israel National Trail initially caught my attention as my husband is originally from the country. As soon as I started Googling to find out more about the trail I was hooked. The views from the desert instantly sparked a mix of excitement and nerves….feelings that I hadn’t felt in a long time. It made me feel so alive! It was that feeling that led me to making the bold and brave decision to do the hike. At the time I felt very stuck in a rut and was on a treadmill of unhappiness. I knew I needed a big change. I’d recently changed careers and that hadn’t worked— it was time to try something different and bigger!

From a practical perspective, it seemed like a good trail for someone new to hiking. The full route is waymarked and you can get a book that has maps and information you need like where you can find food and water. Although there’s lots of scrambling, none of it is technical or requires ropes. It takes about two months to complete. I spent about $600 in total including my flights and insurance.

Was the actual experience true to what you’d imagined?

Not at all! I didn’t really know what to expect, so I relied mostly on Google photos and my own imagination. Of course I knew it’d be hot, even in the autumn, but as I’d never hiked in heat before I had no real understanding of how draining and exhausting 35+ degrees Celsius [95° Fahrenheit] can be (probably a good thing). The weight of the bag [ed. note: Band and her husband were entirely self-reliant on this trip and packed their own food and water] and the battle to keep moving one foot in front of the other was harder than I imagined it would be. But there were also a lot of nice surprises. The views were a hundred times more spectacular and impressive than I was expecting.

You also can’t experience how wonderful small luxuries are—a bed to sleep in, a hot shower, the simple act of sitting and doing nothing—until you’ve spent a long hot day hiking in the desert.

I bet! So you were able to sleep in the occasional bed and enjoy a hot shower now and then?

Most of our nights on the trail were wild camping. We’d try to take a rest day about once a week and usually time this when we could stay in a hostel or (in most of the cases) were hosted by family, friends or friends of friends. We would always be fed and spoilt by our hosts.

Once you knew this hike was something you had to do, how did you prepare and did it pay off? Was there something else you wished you’d known?

To prepare for the hike I did a basic, two-day outdoor first aid course plus a Mountain Leader qualification, which consists of a week of training and a week assessment. On this course you cover all sorts of useful skills from navigation, wild camping, river crossings and night navigation. This was a great move! It meant I would be safe on the hike and knew how to look after myself if anything bad happened. I then set about sorting the logistics which mostly came down to booking a flight and collecting the gear I’d need. I’d intended to train but—like all the other times I try to get fit—I’d made excuses and it hadn’t happened. It made the first couple of weeks on the trail really difficult, but that’s not necessarily a bad thing. It was part of the experience and helped build resilience.

That first trek led to many more—from cross-country skiing in the Arctic Circle to sailing the North Sea. You say it changed your life, that when you went back home to England, you weren’t that same person. Can you tell us a little more about that?

The hike changed me in so many ways! It built back confidence and self-esteem. Time in the desert, with all the stresses and strains of modern day life stripped away, gave me space to just be myself. To work out who I was and what I wanted to do in my life. Hiking days could be long and boring so I had lots of thinking time!

This experience eventually led to your founding a community for women who love adventure. Can you tell us more about how you formed Love Her Wild, which now has nearly 20,000 members?

I noticed there was a lack of women accessing the outdoors the second I started to do the courses in preparation for the hike.

I even experienced overt sexism on one of the courses which really knocked my confidence.

Part of it was language making me feel like I didn’t exist (they’d say ‘come on lads’ when moving on). When it was my turn to lead, a couple of the other participants would obviously ignore my instructions, and I was even grilled by the assessor about my eating habits….something which the others didn’t have to endure! The assessor did point out at one point that clearly the other participants have a problem with taking instructions from a woman, but then he turned this onto me saying I needed to be more assertive.

While doing the Israel National Trail I also didn’t meet a single woman doing the trail. It seemed such a shame as I had taken so much from going on an adventure. I wanted other women to experience that too so I launched Love Her Wild. The purpose was to create a space to encourage more women to go on outdoor adventures away from the judgements and competitiveness you often find in the outdoors.

You launched the organization with a post inviting women to join me on a female-only adventure, and the response was big. Why do you think your initial post struck such a chord?

I didn’t think it’d resonate with so many. I think for many women though it was the first time they’d seen an opportunity like this that spoke to them. Usually in adventure magazines, films and advertising you’ll only see one type of person—athletic white men—so I think that’s why my post stood out so much.

What do you see as the biggest obstacles to women experiencing the outdoors?

I’ve always said that confidence is the biggest barrier stopping women getting outdoors and in our big survey we carried out last year this was confirmed. Many women are simply lacking that confidence and self-belief that enables them to take those first steps and be bold in the outdoors. I think society can be especially hard on women who have a lot of pressure to be thin and beautiful, to be well-behaved and not outspoken, to be good wives and mothers. I noticed quite early on that I was often told I was bossy, while if boys were taking charge of games in the same way they were simply displaying leadership qualities.

All of this massively knocks confidence. The great thing is that [confidence] can be regained and going on a big adventure out of your comfort zone is a good way to do this!

Love Her Wild members climbing Stok Kangri peak in India.

I’d put myself in the adventure-curious category. I camped way back in the day with the Girl Scouts, I exercise regularly, and I’m quite intrepid when it comes to urban travel, but especially as I age, I find myself reluctant to sleep anywhere without an ensuite bathroom and am reluctant to push my fitness to its limits. What would you say to me? Why should I consider sleeping outdoors or attempting extended treks?

Firstly I’d say that adventure is subjective and everyone has their own comfort zones and limitations. So if you like an en-suite and bed and that’s your boundary then that’s fine. You can go do some epic mountain climbing or cold-water swimming or kayaking challenges in the day and rest up in comfort in the evening. There’s no right or wrong way to have an adventure as long as it’s pushing you out of your limits in some way.

If you have an inclination that you want to try camping then I’d suggest finding a group or friend to go with and committing to doing it together and making it happen. You are far more likely to take a leap if you are accountable!

I think part of my reluctance is simply not thinking of it in the first place. I read your blog post about your Stok Kangri Trek in the Himalayas. Seeing this group of what I’d call “regular women” who reminded me more of my book club than Bear Grylls, I thought, “That could be me!” This looked like a group I wanted to hang out with and challenge myself with. I was so inspired! It made me realize how rarely I’m presented with images like this. I see plenty of articles and ads about spas and cruises and restaurants, but rarely see women enjoying the kind of travel I see on your website – ice climbing, kayaking, backpacking, or even riding a scooter.

I’m reminded of a quote by one of the creepiest characters of all time, Silence of the Lambs’ Hannibal Lecter. “How do we begin to covet? We begin by coveting what we see every day.” Do you think a big reason so few women adventure is because it just doesn’t come to mind in a world with more “typical” options? In the absence of regular inspiration, where do you recommend an adventure-curious traveler start?

This is a huge problem—we see a very one-sided image of adventurers in media and on a professional level (women make up just a small percentage of mountain and outdoor sport guides). I’d suggest searching out women on Instagram, Facebook and who are running blogs. Fill your feeds with cool women doing cool things and in time you’ll start to think it’s normal for you/us to do these things too!

Does anyone in your group ever go out and just hate it?

Haha! It’s a good question. And yes….some women just don’t enjoy what they’ve signed up for. But I always just encourage them to try something different or adapt it to fit their preferences. I personally didn’t take to big mountain climbing (I hated the altitude and the way it affected my body!) so I’ll stick to the things I do enjoy.

Kayaking the width of the U.K. to pick up plastic and raise awareness about pollution.

I realize travel is still very limited by the pandemic, but do you have any upcoming expeditions or adventures women can join?

Next year Love Her Wild is hoping to run the Women’s End2End, a hiking relay stretching the full length of the UK. It’ll take 74 days to complete and hundreds of women will come together to help carry the baton for sections of the relay.

We hope to get some of our usual adventures up and running again soon but are still at the mercy of the pandemic and restrictions lifting….keep watching this space!

The End2End sounds incredible. I am completely sold on going for it! After talking today, I can see why so many women have answered your call to adventure.